so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
