I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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