i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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