So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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