YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
