I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
