Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
