So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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