Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
