he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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