Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
