ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
