farters have to be the big spoon...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
