I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
