Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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