There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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