I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
