im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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