By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
