You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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