Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
