How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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