so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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