FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
