What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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