But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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