im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
