you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
