You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
