FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
