after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
