He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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