i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Vodka?
Forever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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