I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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