I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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