I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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