Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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