I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
