I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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