Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
