Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
