Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
