i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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