Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
