we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
