After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
