I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
