If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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