I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
