so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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