Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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