Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
