where am i from again
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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