Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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