On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
